Where to Now?

The other day Bill asked me what I thought about humanistic values. I thought about kindness and service. I thought about the time when I was in college, very poor to say the least, and I took a homeless man to a hotel room because he was about to sleep in front of the store where I worked. It was a cold night and snow had started falling. I actually left him there at first, but when I got home I just couldn’t stop thinking about him sleeping out in the cold so I drove back to the store and asked him if he wanted to go to a hotel, which he said he would very much like to go to a hotel. I remember on the way to the hotel this man, who had a speech impediment so I could barely understand him, started asking me if I could do other things for him, like buy him clothes or food. I’m really not sure what he wanted as I couldn’t understand him, but I remember getting a little angry at him for not just appreciating the “incredible” act of kindness I was bestowing on him.

So the question is, was my act of kindness a humanistic value, or in other words, was it an altruistic act? I think the answer is both yes and no. If I am brutally honest with myself, I have to say that what motivated me was not so much compassion for the man, but a fear of how I would feel about myself if I didn’t act. I admit I did feel sorry for the man and I did want to help, but I think what really motivated me was the fear of how I would feel about myself. Remember, my first impulse was to leave him there and go home. However, I believe that by taking action on my motivation, an act of compassion did occur.

I lived many years in Japan. Japanese culture has set rules of conduct. One such cultural rule the Japanese follow is On and Giri. When someone performs a kind act to another, On – or personal debt – is created. Giri is the duty to repay that debt. Giri is defined as:

“an innate sense of duty, obligation, morality and the absolute need to return a favor. Everyone is bound by giri - giri toward ones parents (filial piety) and giri toward ones teachers and benefactors. giri is also expressed at the societal level by meeting ones obligations and responsibilities as best as possible. Meeting the demands of giri are synonymous with defending one's personal honor even under the most adverse circumstances. giri is taken so seriously that sometimes Japanese people have been known to commit suicide in an attempt to satisfy it. giri is a powerful force in Japanese society which promotes order, discipline and a general sense of societal well-being.

I once thought my Christian values of love and compassion were superior to the Japanese values of doing things out of “societal obligations.” But when I think of what motivates us in our acts of kindness towards each other, I think one of the most powerful forces at work is our desire to feel good about ourselves and to be a contributing member to the society we live in. And by living up to the standards of our society and the expectations of those around us, true humanistic acts of compassion are performed. While the internal motivations may not be altruistic, the external results of our acts are altruistic.