Where to Now?

The most daring and courageous step in living without fear is to experience that which you fear, in terms of different belief systems. Experience is the most powerful process on the planet for either confirming or invalidating that which we fear. More precisely, confirming or invalidating our ingrained beliefs about others or their worldview.

For years I had the belief that I could not have an in-depth relationship with a white male. So, I moved to Utah. I formed a friendship with a white guy. The more he tried to help me adjust and reach out to me, the more I resisted. On the surface, I created all these conspiracy theories about him to protect my myself or more precisely, my belief adopted from growing up in New Orleans.

Then he confronted me. He asked, "What's your problem?" I explained to him that I didn't trust white guys. My experience was, in back-to-the wall situations, they would sell me out. That's when he shared with me that he was struggling with an alcoholism problem. He shared that I was the only person he felt safe with to talk about his problem or himself. And most of all, he asked if I was willing to be there for him when things got tough.

This was my moment of truth. To come to his aid would be crossing a line that would invalidate my beliefs about white guys (and white people, in gereral) I remember distinctly thinking of the consequences to me if I agreed. I would no longer have my crutch or blaming my shortcomings on whites. I would have take full responsibility for my life, regardless of the odds against me! I refer to these situations as "touchpoints."

Obviously, I crossed the line. The result: "Some of my best friends are white guys, and black guys, and Asian guys, and Hispanic guys, and etc., etc., etc., ...... The point is, this decision opened me to a world of people I had not only excluded in my life, but also people of the world that I would eventually meet and learn to embrace.

What I learned is that avoidance and separation creates polarization, suspicion, and a defensive attitude that feels like a physical threat. More often, the threat is the invalidation of our ethnocentric beliefs about others who have different religious persuasions, differnt cultural persuasions, and a different worldview of how a society should function.

The willingness to experience the humility that our beliefs may have no basis in reality as a threat is a transformational breakthrough! It is this type of breakthrough, on a mass scale, that will be necessary to create a world without fear. It is a transformation from a fear-based world to one where differences are used to find mutually compatable solutions that transcend both points-of-view.

The essential element in achieving this type of world is each of us having the courage to experience those who are different; the more the differences are pronounced, the greater the breakthrough to a humanly compatable world. This movement will not be led by any great leader. It will be the result of each of us willing to take responsiblity to transform the world that we influence.

The point here is that such a world will only be created by us, as individuals, having the courage to experience differences. So, let's go forth and begin the process:

1) Start at your place of employment, neighborhood, or community organization. Have a simple conversation with someone you have avoided because of a prejudice or a bias.

2) Extend yourself to learn what values others may have without the necessity of imposing yours on them.

3) Be in your experience by focusing inwardly to become aware of what you are feeling and thinking.

4) Make a distinction between your feeling and your thoughts. Allow your experience from "fear to neutrality" to take you through the process.

5) And notice that you didn't experience a physical threat to your survival; only the invalidation of your belief as, perhaps, being righteous.

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